we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
