I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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