sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
