if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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