I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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