He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We left the knife in your bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
