I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
