Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
