I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
