Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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