Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
