there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
