You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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