All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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