dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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