so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
