the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
