I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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