you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
