the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
