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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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