you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
