my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize