My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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