morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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