the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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