It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
