Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize