3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we have pet lesbian snakes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
