I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
