I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
