The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
