dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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