I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize