i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
