he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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