Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
