She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize