saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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