A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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