Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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