With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
