i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize