I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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