Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize