I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
