It's Friday. Sex?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize