And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
