In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
