Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
