I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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