he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
