I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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