yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate your face
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
