I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
