Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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