Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
