after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize