we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
