and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
