Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize