He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
