i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
