i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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