ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
