I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
