it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
