You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
